Where I Lay My Head Is Home

I ate out last night with my roommate/landlord Rosalyn, her sister, her sister's boyfriend, and her girlfriend. Rosalyn is bisexual, and she owns the house I live in. Sexual orientation isn't an issue with me, but hers is noteworthy because it contributes to the diversity of the household. It is also noteworthy because I'm constantly surrounded by gorgeous females whom I don't stand much of a chance with. Rosalyn and her family and friends are from the "dirty south (southern Maryland)." I rarely see Rosalyn because she lives in the basement (not like the "Gimp" from Pulp Fiction- it's a basement apartment with a bathroom and kitchen).

My house is in the very northeast corner of D.C., almost in Maryland. I found the listing for the house on Craigslist. After 50-75 e-mails and only a few responses, I went with the first thing that sounded good. What really sold me was the house was advertised as being located a block from the red line metro, which covers just about all of D.C. After my first trip to the metro, I realized the distance was probably over a mile (25 minute walk). I think the nightly romps with beautiful lesbians have started to affect my roommates depth perception for the very worst. She has a GPS system in her Chrysler 300 that I would have smashed to pieces a long time ago. It's usually off or far ahead of itself, and sometimes doesn't even recognize the roads it's traveling ,but she's completely lost without it. I have a soft spot for it, however, because an ex-girlfriend said the exact same things about me.

The house has a kitchen, living room and four upstairs bedrooms. My room, the master bedroom, has its own bath. I live in a very poor part of town, but I think crime, with the exception of people selling pot and cocaine on the street corners, is fairly low compared to the city. My room came furnished with Internet access.

Reggie, my other roommate, is a 32-year-old black male. He bar tends at the restaurant we ate at the night before- Cafe' somethingoranother. I really like Reggie, but we operate on completely different schedules. He's usually going to bed when I wake up in the morning for work. We spend a lot of time together on the weekends. Reggie was born in D.C. and has lived here all his life. Reggie takes the time to appreciate the present and the people around, and isn't too self-absorbed or concerned about the future. He seems to enjoy life, and he takes advantage of the situations it puts him in. It's really hard to find people like that around here. We talk a lot about women and sex. We tell funny stories involving things we've done in the past with regards to the two- typical male bonding stuff.

James never talks about women. James is my other roommate, whom I won't waste much time describing in detail. He's well-deserving of his own post, completely dedicated to him and his complexities. I think James may be gay. Either way, he actually works for Mary Landrieu in the Senate building. James graduated from Alabama and went to law school at Ole Miss. I see him more than my other roommates and have gotten to know him much better. He has a habit of drinking whiskey by himself at night and then passing out on the couch, spilling the contents of his glass all over himself. My first time to meet James, he was stumbling around the living room on a head full of whiskey. He would run outside and curse the car that was blocking the driveway, then step back inside and ask me the same question over and over again. I like James.

The empty bedroom next to mine was occupied my first week here by a rich Republican from Orange County named Brent. Brent is a rich Republican from Orange County. I only spoke with him a few times, but I believe living with a black person bothered him enough to find another place with "likeminded" individuals. For the record, he never said that. Living with my father for 18 years is enough experience to certify me in the art of sniffing out pompous bigots.

Rossalyn and I are going to the strip club tomorrow night- to find a new roommate. I can't wait. Rossalyn says that strippers are always up-front, they always pay in cash and they're good to have around the house in general. She's tired of dealing with "wishy-washy motherfuckers" on Craigslist.