The Dumb and the Restless

I'm involved in a love triangle. I discovered this over Sunday Brunch with James, who woke up that morning with ripped pants and sweatshirt and bloodied palms resulting from misadventures of the night before. James and I met up with some of my intern friends for a pub-crawl on U St, which almost ended in a disaster. We were watching the tail end of the Duke/North Carolina basketball game upstairs at a bar called Stetson's. James was belligerent and using other patrons to hold himself up. After closing his bar tab, I noticed he was exchanging far-from-kind words with a female. I use this term loosely- her short hair, nose ring, and 200 lbs. brick wall stature reminded me of a San Diego Chargers linebacker or a gorilla at the San Diego Zoo. Trouble was afoot and I rushed as quick as I could to his rescue. I apologized to her for whatever my roommate had done, but it wasn't enough. After shoving me back and slapping the drink out of my hand, she told me what she thought about us and my apology, and what I could do once I got home. She was obviously looking for trouble and I couldn't let that go.

I snatched her by the front of her shirt and pinned her back against the wall. She had already created a scene. I would never hit a girl, but spitting in her face crossed my mind. It didn't matter, because we had already won. The look on her face let me know that that was the last thing she was expecting to happen. She obviously gets away with this sort of behavior on a regular basis. No one at the bar seemed surprise. I informed her that her gender just saved her from a broken jaw, and that maybe she should stop taking it for granted. Hopefully she thinks twice before doing something like that again.

As I carried James down the stairs, he warned people of "an anrgy bull-dyke causing trouble at the top of the stairs." I threw him in a cab and gave the driver some money to take him home. The ripped clothes and bloody palms are still a mystery.

Back to the love triangle. I still believe everything I said about Reggie in my last post. However, Reggie is a coke-head, a coke-head that apparently takes anti-depressants. The chemical reaction creates a gumbo of mad dillusions and bizzare paranoia when mixed with alcohol and sleep deprivation. It exposes a dark underbelly of the human mind that should never see the light of day, or night. In other words, Reggie's been geeked-out lately. He's developed a conspiracy theory involving Ros (our landlord), whom he apparently has feelings for, and myself. It goes something like this:

Reggie thinks Ros and I are sleeping together, which isn't true. I may see Ros once or twice a week. Anyway, he believes we're sleeping with each other every chance we get, in spite of him. So, he's on a mission to catch us in the act. This includes Reggie peeking around corners in strange parts of the house when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning. I'll shake my head at him while he mumbles to himself and returns to his room. This also includes Reggie accusing me of bizzare things that would ultimately prove, in his mind, that I'm sleeping with Ros.

Sunday afternoon, I was taking a nap in my room. I was awakened by Reggie swinging my door open. "GOTCHA!" No Ros, so he returned to his room. He came back in moments later with a condom (still in the wrapper) in his hand. He showed me a tear at the top of the wrapper and accused me of stealing his condoms and replacing them back in the same wrapper with new ones. And the plot thickens... I told him I didn't know they even made those things anymore. "Don't insult me like that," he said as he walked back to his room, defeated.

Confronting him about the subject has failed. You'll never convince a coke-head of something he doesn't truly want to believe, so I will start convincing him of what he wants to believe. In other words- fucking with him. I'll start by leaving condom wrappers in the bathroom trash can and strategically placing panties around the house- probably in the corners he likes to hang out at when I wake up for work. More on this to come.